The shopaholic disease

Hi all. This is a pretty personal post. Please disregard lol. It's just a reflection of what I'm feeling these days.



Lately, I've just been spending too much money and buying too much makeup and other stuff that I find I don't really need. I truly feel like a shopaholic that just can't stop. This week alone I spend $100 on this stuff. This shopaholic disease started this year! I'm a senior in college, and from freshmen year to junior year, I had ONE eyeshadow palette (Urban Decay Ammo) and one blush (Anna Sui). That's it! Nothing else. Really I'm not kidding. I rarely wore makeup. Now I have whole drawer full, and this collection grew starting in October I would say. Why did I develop this disease in the first place? lol To be honest, I still don't wear heavy makeup to school, so why do I buy so much makeup these days? Why did I buy those MAC brushes when I can do the same thing with an ELF brush (it just doesn't feel as nice)? PLUS I'm a newb who doesn't need MAC brushes anyway!!!

When I look at these things, I have an urge to buy it. I feel that I really, really want it, and once I get it I'll be happy! But it's the opposite. Once these things arrive, I think, "why did I want this so bad?" and I'm full of regrets. I mean they're pretty and everything, but once I get it, I'm not any happier than before. :( Now I have a drawer full of makeup, and I'm thinking that I'll never be able to finish it. It's going to expire, and I'll have to throw them all away. I buy so many different shades of blush and eyeshadow, and I realize that to a 2nd person, they all look the same. Even to me, I don't think I need so many shades! But I just can't stop myself when I see cute packaging or a good review.. T.T

When I see myself spending money like this, I feel so superficial and wasteful. I want to stop. The documentary, "I Am," really touched me when I watched it two weeks ago. It's about America's culture of consuming, spending money, making money. How most people don't find meaning in their lives, such as desires to help others and make the world a better place. Yet, are rich people really happier? Does having things really make people more satisfied? To be honest, I'm a victim of this disease too. I realize having things doesn't make me happier. In fact, I feel more depressed that I spent so much money...

I'm going to try to stop. It's going to be hard.... I've decided to halt buying anything I don't *Need* from now on. Hopefully this post will remind me whenever I have urgings. I'm going to pray for this heart of desire to stop yearning! Now, I just want to finish all my current makeup and not buy anything until it's done!! There's just something beautiful about hitting pan on an eyeshadow or finishing a tube of lip gloss! I love it!

Of course I will keep reviewing what I already have...

If anyone read this, thanks for reading lol! Does anyone else feel this way? Ugh. I'm probably the only person who's depressed after shopping. Hope no one got offended by anything I said. This is a personal entry.